A Mindful Perspective
Welcome to my podcast! I'm Nick Levesque, and I'm on a mission to help you navigate life's challenges with a mindful perspective. Join me every week as I dive deep into the realms of mindset, spirituality, and personal growth. Drawing from my own experiences, I want to provide you with tools, strategies, insights, and inspiring stories that will help you go from where you are now, to where you want to be.
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Coaching: https://www.nickspiritualcoaching.com/
A Mindful Perspective
The Truth No One Tells You About Self-Help
Is self-help helping you… or hurting you?
We’re living in the age of self-improvement overload—books, podcasts, routines, coaching, courses. But what if the constant pursuit of growth is actually keeping you stuck?
In this video, I explore The Dark Side of Self-Help—how the obsession with healing and bettering yourself can lead to burnout, perfectionism, and even emotional avoidance.
We’ll dive into:
✅ How self-help can become a form of avoidance
✅ Why more information isn’t always better
✅ The pressure to be constantly “healing”
✅ How to find balance between self-growth and self-acceptance
This isn’t about bashing self-help—it’s about using it intentionally and not letting it define your worth. If you’ve ever felt like you're always “working on yourself” but still not feeling good enough, this video is for you.
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Podcast: A Mindful Perspective
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If this episode resonates with you, drop a comment and let me know your biggest takeaway.
Hello everyone and welcome to A Mindful Perspective. I'm your host, nick Levesque, certified Spiritual Life Coach, and I'm here to share insights into my journey of mindfulness and self-discovery. Each week, we'll explore mindset, spirituality and personal growth to help you navigate life's challenges with practical strategies and inspiring stories. Let's dive in. In today's video, I really wanted to take a bit of time to talk about self-help and, more specifically, the dark side of self-help, which I think isn't talked about enough. Okay, because the question becomes what if too much self-help is actually, I think isn't talked about enough? Okay, because the question becomes what if too much self-help is actually hurting you? And what if your self-awareness is actually turning into self-criticism? Because I firmly believe that sometimes that self-awareness can actually be a double-edged sword and when you start to understand too much about yourself and you're not sure how to integrate that, you can become very self-critical and very shameful towards yourself, which is exactly what's happened to me in my own life and other people that I've had the honor of discussing this topic with, which is really what inspired me to really talk about this today, and I wanted to start this off by sharing my own story and talking a bit about this. Now I've shared my own story on the podcast many times. I'm not gonna go over all that again, but basically a quick summary is that a few years ago I was in a very dark place. I didn't know how to get out, but I knew something needed to change. I knew that I could not keep living the same way that I was living right. So basically, with that being said, I debated therapy, coaching, all these different things, but I couldn't get myself to be vulnerable with someone I couldn't open up. I didn't feel safe opening it up to someone because I was afraid of being judged and I was just afraid of being seen as someone who's broken, who's got all these issues type of thing Right. So I was like you know what? I'm just going to start this soul searching journey on my own and I want to see where that takes me. And initially that was a beautiful thing. It was so fun.
Speaker 1:I was just starting to understand more about myself. I started I literally started this with Myers-Briggs personality tests right there they're cool little tests and I started doing enneagrams and all these different things just to just to dive into that a bit, just literally to understand a bit more about myself and seeing what these personality tests had to offer. And then I found that really cool. So I was like, okay, nice, I like this, I'm really enjoying this and this is really resonating with me. What else can I start diving into? So that's when I started buying books and listening to podcasts and YouTube channels, right, and all these different things.
Speaker 1:But that's when I noticed that I became very self-aware, right, I became extremely self-aware to the point that I became very self-critical, because now I had an understanding of all the issues that I needed to work through, right, and I was like, okay, I've got all these things that I need to work through, but, like, what is wrong with you, like you know? So, basically, for me, I thought something was wrong with me, right, and I thought, how is it possible that I've got all these different things to work through? And then you're listening to a bunch of different things, and then you feel like you see yourself in so many different things, which then for me personally, anyways, from my own subjective experience just reinforce that belief that something was actually wrong with me, right. And then that, honestly, for me personally, what it did is it pushed me to consume even more information, right, more information. I was like, okay, well, I'm going to need to learn more about this, learn more about that, do more about this, try to fix this in a certain way and fix was a big word in my vocabulary at that time, because I didn't know how to approach myself with curiosity and compassion and just being like, hey, you are doing this because you want to lead a better quality of life. You want to be doing this because you want to stop unconsciously bleeding on other people. You want to be doing this because you want to understand your attachment, right, all these different things. It's not because you're a project that needs to be fixed or that you're broken. You just want to lead a better quality of life.
Speaker 1:But at that point in time, I didn't, I didn't understand that concept, right? So basically, my inner critic went wow, I just went down into a shameful spiral, if you will, right, and again, this is what I'm saying. And for me, at a certain point, even self-help became avoidance, because I thought, okay, the more I read, the more I listened to, more, whatever, this is going to help me understand more and possibly fix myself. But the practices in the book and all these different things I wasn't even applying, right? Because guess what? Now I had all this self-awareness about me and it was scary to look at, because now it's like, oh my goodness, I've got all these issues that I need to face, I've got all these things that I need to look at. I don't even know where to start.
Speaker 1:I got completely just overwhelmed, which led me to actually avoid doing any work at all. Right, and I remember I remember I was reading books and there were exercises are like pause, do this exercise, right? I was like, okay, yeah, I'll do it later. Yeah, got to know more about this first before I do it. Got to know more about got to listen to this more before I do it. I wasn't applying anything, I wasn't doing anything right, because I became so self-aware that I understood so much about myself and I understood that facing those parts of myself were so scary that I was like you know what I'm going to intellectually, just get over this, right. I'm not going to learn how to feel, I'm not going to learn how to process anything, I'm just going to intellectualize everything and learn how to get through that right. So this is why I'm saying, yes, self-help can be a great thing, doing the inner work can be a great thing.
Speaker 1:But sometimes I think what can happen is we start to approach this journey and then we start to think something's wrong with me because we've got different things that we need to work on. Right, but you're not broken and you don't need to fix yourself. I want you guys, I want anyone who's using the word fix to remove that out of their vocabulary entirely, because it doesn't belong there, right? And I just want to make sure that if you are doing the self-help and you are reading the books and all these different things, it's not just a form of avoidance, it's not just a form of distraction, and that you're actually applying things that are you know, things that the teachings from the books and all these different things Right. And yes, I'm a big, firm believer that everyone's got different modalities that we need to try and learn and all these different things.
Speaker 1:But again, it comes down to applying and investigating yourself, right, looking at the parts of yourself that you don't want to look at, but with curiosity and compassion towards yourself. And again I'm reinforcing this, but saying, hey, listen, there's some things here that obviously are surfacing in me. There's some things that I definitely need to look at, right, because maybe I've hurt someone. Maybe you know this part of me that I hadn't healed yet is bleeding on other people. Maybe I'm just depressed, as an example, and I don't want to keep living this way. So I need to really deal with the underlying cause.
Speaker 1:Right, maybe I'm procrastinating, but it's actually not because I'm lazy. It's actually because I'm so overwhelmed. I am so overwhelmed by whatever is going on in my life. As an example, right, maybe there's a task that you need to do that you don't know how to do, and then that's overwhelming for you. There are so many different reasons why you can be procrastinating, but what I'm trying to say is procrastination is not always a byproduct of being lazy. As an example, right, like procrastination, laziness are two different things entirely, and I think procrastination sometimes is your nervous system trying to tell you something, right, especially if you're constantly procrastinating. But again, one thing to remember as well is that self-help is a billion dollar industry.
Speaker 1:Right, there are good intentions within self-help I have no doubts there at all. But there will always be something self-help that you can take. Take this weekend course to become certified. Take this weekend course to heal your trauma. Take this, right. There's so many different things and if you're anything like me. You like the little clickbait titles and all these different things, and I've being fully honest, I've spent way too much money on courses and such because I thought it would fix me or heal me or all these different things. But even when I dove into those courses, it was more information that kept me stuck. That's what I'm trying to say with all this thing, right? Or this video. Here is all this information. You can acquire all this information, but if you're not approaching it correctly and with a sense of curiosity, compassion and truly wanting to better yourself, you're just going to get stuck.
Speaker 1:And I think, personally, this is where self-help can go really wrong. Okay, it's where we're over-consuming, we're learning, but we're not applying anything as an example, right? Or we're just using as as a form of avoidance or as an example. We're always trying to become your best self as an example, right. But in my personal opinion, I think the self-discovery journey is something that's, you know, that we're doing for a lifetime, because, like for me, for example, I turned 30 in October. If I'm being completely honest with myself, I've probably learned more in my you know few months of being 30 than I have in a few years of my life. So that's what I'm saying. Right, we're always evolving, we're always working towards becoming our best selves. Right, and I think it's not something, it's not. There's no final destination here. Right, there's no like.
Speaker 1:Okay, once I do this, this, this, I am fully healed. This is what I thought for a long time. Once I do this, this, this, I'm fully healed. I'm done all these different things. No, because life will always keep presenting you with things that you have not faced yet. Right, if, as an example, you've never lost someone in your family and I hope it never happens to you, obviously but the reality of life is death is inevitable for everyone, right? But if you've never gone through that at a certain point in your life, you will have to go through that, and that will demand something of you that you have not yet gone through, right? So, to me, the best self is something that's evolutionary over your lifetime, right?
Speaker 1:And also, for me personally, what ended up happening as well is obviously the shame, the inner critic. All these different things, right, I thought all these different things were wrong with me. I wasn't healing properly. And also I became comparing myself to other people. Okay, because then I was looking at other people. They seem to be healed, they seem to try things that work for them, and sometimes I would try those things and it wasn't working for me and all these different things. And then I again I became self-critical. It's like I know all these things, I'm trying my best here and then I'm just not healing as fast as other people, type of thing and then I would compare myself to other people where I would just compare myself to other people, which led me to a spiral of avoidance and just not dealing with my stuff because I thought I was broken and I thought I would never actually get through anything, right.
Speaker 1:So this is what I'm saying. This is why I think it's so important to talk about this dark side of self-help, because I think for a lot of people, this can happen. Right, this can actually happen. If it's happened to me and it's happened to other people that I've talked to, it can definitely happen to other people as well. Right, this is what I noticed as well in my own journey, if you will, is that healing takes time. Right, when you're working through stuff, it takes time If if you're in your forties and you're only starting to work on your trauma that you've had, like your childhood trauma, for example, which you know.
Speaker 1:Kudos to you If you are. You're not just going to get over that in two weeks, right, like this is what I'm trying to say. That's, that's not realistic at all. Okay, if you, if your nervous system, if your body's been adapted to a certain way your entire life and you're only starting to work in that in your forties, there's no way, there's no way the body remembers, right? There's no way two weeks is going to be more than enough to heal all these different things.
Speaker 1:It's going to take time, months, potentially years, from being completely honest, the same thing, the same thing as an example if you're breaking up with someone you've been with for five years, if, all of a sudden, you break up with someone, or someone breaks up with you and you've been with them for five years, and you expect to get over that in two weeks, it's impossible. It's impossible, right? You have to grieve the relationship. You have to grieve what you've lost, maybe the sense of identity that you had with that person. But not only are you grieving the life that you once had, but you're also going to be grieving the life that you wanted, the life that you anticipating, having with them the dreams, right, all these different things. There are so many different layers that come into that, right.
Speaker 1:So this is what I'm saying Please give yourself some compassion, give yourself some space. Whatever it is that you're going through, I can promise you that you know, with the work and doing the inner work and facing yourself, facing the parts of you that you don't want to face right, facing your shadow right Is very difficult, but I can promise you that if you do it with curiosity and compassion, right, and a good level of self-awareness that doesn't turn into self-criticism, I can promise you that you're going to be leaps ahead of people like me. As an example, right, who started and really, you know, didn't really have that guidance, and this is really my key takeaway from this message today is if, well, first and foremost, obviously, is you know, if you're starting this and you're not sure where to begin, all these different things, please work with a coach. Please work with a therapist, someone that can guide you. I think is very beneficial, right, this is what I love to help clients with as well.
Speaker 1:But also, if you're a little bit like me and you want to dive into this on your own for a little bit, which is also okay, right? As long as you feel safe to do so, then please start with this, right? I'm going to approach this with curiosity. I want to get to know myself because I want a better life for myself, right? I'm not doing this to attack myself, I'm not doing this to get more shame, to enroll myself in toxic shame, and I'm not doing this to hurt myself, right? Yes, it's going to be hard, but that is the whole point. That is the point, right? Facing those parts is very difficult, right?
Speaker 1:And there's a beautiful quote that I read I don't know who the author is, but I found this on Instagram and it says just like the moon, you are whole no matter what phase you are in. Right? And to me, that kind of just flicks something. For me. I love little quotes like that. I think sometimes it can give you a different perspective on things, but for me, it's like you know what? I just need to learn how to accept myself, and I need to accept myself as I am right now, because I know that where I am right now is not where I'm going to be in two years, but where I am right now is where I need to be so that I can work on what's coming right and I can work on what I want to be achieving in my life, and I can work on these things right now so that I can lead and live a better quality of life, right. So to me, I was like, okay, this is just a phase that I'm in right now and that's completely okay. Now let's get to work, let's take the action, obviously, because we need to take action.
Speaker 1:I'm a firm believer in that, right, don't do, like me, just read, read, intellectualize, not apply anything. You're missing the entire point if you are, but this is why I'm also talking about this today as well, right. So, really, this is something else that I really wanted to kind of talk about, and, for me personally, what's really helped me is kind of the analogy of a video game right, because for me personally, I've always loved video games, and also kind of the message that it has behind it, right. But in terms of a video game, and even with your healing journey okay, I don't know if you've ever had a video game as you progress on your hero's journey, okay, you will have monsters that you need to fight, you will have bosses, very strong monsters that you need to fight.
Speaker 1:You will get frustrated, you will get angry, you will get sad, you will want to quit over and over again, depending on the video game that you're playing. Trust me, I've been there many times in my life, right, but you don't. You get back up and you try again, and you try again, and you try again, and that's the same thing. And if something doesn't work, you try something else. Right? If you've been with a therapist and it's not working for you, don't quit on your healing journey.
Speaker 1:I've had people honestly tell me this. It's like I've tried therapy. It doesn't work. I'm just, you know, I'll figure it out. It's like, okay, maybe with that therapist it didn't work, but why would you quit? Right, why would you try something else? Maybe another therapist will hold better space with you. Maybe you need to try a different modality, a different type of coaching.
Speaker 1:Right, it's not because you're broken. There's nothing about that at all. You're not broken at all. Right, we've been born on this world whole. A baby is perfect as it is. But then, through programming and trauma and all these different things, we kind of go through life, right, depending on the programming that we have. But the software that was installed, can actually be uninstalled like a computer. Right, we can override that software. We can uninstall and install a new one. Right Takes time, but we can definitely get there right.
Speaker 1:So I really hope that this video can kind of help you understand the perspective that I'm really trying to say today is that if you're finding yourself being very critical, very self-critical, and your self-awareness is turning into that self-criticism, right, I just want you to remember a few things. Number one is try to incorporate a bit of self-acceptance into your life as you're going through this. Right, and trust me, I know it's difficult, I'm not just saying you know, be more self-accepting. I know that's hard, right, but I think, as you give yourself a little bit more compassion and really look at yourself from the place that you are right now and you're saying to yourself listen, I'm doing this right now because I want to get to that other phase of my life right, and like the moon, like we just said, right, no matter what phase you are in, you are whole as you are right now. Right, you're not broken. You can be a masterpiece and a work in progress all at the same time, right. So that's one thing I want to share as well.
Speaker 1:Also, please, please, remember to celebrate your wins, no matter how small. I think this is so, so, so important. A lot of us don't take time to celebrate anything. I know I didn't for a long time, right? If you've been depressed for a long time and now one day you wake up, you get out of bed, you go do something, you go do groceries and you haven't been able to get out of bed all week, that is a milestone. You understand what I'm saying? Like, that is a milestone. That is not just a small win, that is a major win and you need to celebrate that. However, you want to celebrate that Maybe you make yourself a cup of coffee, maybe you pour yourself a nice bath, maybe you watch an episode that you know, something to cheer you up or something to you know really embody like, hey, you know, I'm proud of myself for for having done that, right. Especially if you've been, you know, again in your bed all weekend, haven't been able to do anything because you've just been feeling really depressed, very lethargic, all these different things, right? So please celebrate the wind.
Speaker 1:Also, I think there really needs to be a balance in your life, right, between doing and being, and sometimes, yes, it's important to want to do the inner work and all these different things, but sometimes I think we can just get caught up so much in the healing and all these different things that we think we have to read, we have to do all this work, all these different things. But, like, sometimes healing is just sitting down and doing nothing and allowing ourselves to rest right. Sometimes healing is simply just going to see friends and being with people and communicating with people and just being surrounded by the ones that you love and the ones that you need to spend time with right, sometimes it's literally just allowing yourself. For me, personally, it's just like sit in a warm shower and just lay there, right and just absolutely nothing. Just allow yourself to just be there and do nothing. Right? I think that is so healing for me personally, right, sometimes during the summer I'll go outside, right, sit in my deck. I bring nothing with me, nothing at all, no distractions other than myself and just the presence and nature and all these different things. I just sit there. Sometimes I sit there for like 45 minutes, to be quite honest with you, and I just sit there and to me that is profoundly healing. So it's not always about doing. Sometimes it's just about being right, which is the last thing I want to share in that perspective.
Speaker 1:But I want to leave you with three questions that you can reflect on as you finish this video. Number one is am I applying what I learned right? Are you actually applying what you learned? This is what we talked about earlier in the video. Second, am I growing or just avoiding discomfort? And the third one is can I pause and acknowledge how far I've come?
Speaker 1:Because sometimes I think we're so busy trying to chase the next milestone, whatever that may be, that we actually forget to again celebrate the small wins and celebrate all that we've done and all that we've been doing and how far we've come since we first started.
Speaker 1:So that's really what I wanted to dive into today's video, and I really hope that this can help anyone that is going through this kind of transition or going through this journey or whatever it is that you're working on and you're being very self-aware, very self-critical as an example, and maybe it's something, just something that you needed to listen to or have a different perspective on. So I do hope that this can help and I hope you have a great day. So, that being said, that's all I've got for you guys on today's episode. If you did like the episode, please feel free to leave a comment or review, share it. It really helps bring awareness to what I'm trying to do, which is really kind of, you know, spread this podcast on a broader scale to really help people just navigate everyday life challenges. So, again, with that being said, I hope you have a good week and I will catch you guys next week. We'll be right back.
