A Mindful Perspective

The Transformative Power of Solitude: Your Path to Inner Wisdom and Growth

Nick Levesque Episode 49

Silence isn’t empty; it’s full of answers.

In this week’s episode of "A Mindful Perspective," we dive into the real differences between solitude and loneliness. These terms are often used interchangeably, but they are not the same. We will discuss how solitude—being alone without feeling lonely—can help you build a better relationship with yourself and, as a result, connect more deeply with others. We'll clear up some common misconceptions about loneliness and highlight why balancing social time with meaningful alone time is so important.

We’re also going to discuss the many benefits of solitude, with a key one being the chance to truly know ourselves. From meditation and journaling to nature walks and quiet reflection, we’ll share practical ways to bring more solitude into your life. By tuning into your intuition, you can grow personally and find new directions that feel right for you.

We'll also talk about the many perks of embracing solitude. Whether it's finding new passions, thinking more independently, or just taking a digital detox, solitude can be a great way to relax and reduce stress. I'll share personal stories from my journey and insights from others I've worked with, showing how solitude can boost creativity and emotional well-being. My aim for this episode is to expand on the idea of solitude, change the narrative that solitude is a bad thing, and help you see its true value in building a better relationship with yourself.

Don't forget to leave your comments and reviews, and share this episode to spread the word. Have a great week ahead!

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Speaker 1:

Hello everyone and welcome to A Mindful Perspective. I'm your host, nick Levesque, certified Spiritual Life Coach, and I'm here to share insights into my journey of mindfulness and self-discovery. Each week, we'll explore mindset, spirituality and personal growth to help you navigate life's challenges, with practical strategies and inspiring stories. Let's dive in. Hey everyone, and welcome to another episode of Mindful Perspective. In today's episode, we're going to be talking about embracing solitude and, more specifically, why solitude is so important, and a few months ago I made an episode talking about how to be alone without being lonely, which I found is a really good addition to this one. So, if you want, you can pause this one and go listen to the other one and come back to this one. Completely up to you, but it's just they tie in very well. So I thought I'd mentioned that, but again, I think it's really important to learn how to embrace solitude. So today we're going to be talking about that a bit more in detail and also why solitude is so important in our personal growth and our healing journey as well. So, first and foremost, I wanted to start this off by clarifying something.

Speaker 1:

Okay, so solitude and loneliness are two very different things, right? So solitude, essentially, is when we're spending time alone, but we're not feeling lonely, okay. And also, solitude is spending time alone with ourselves in a healthy manner, so it's allowing ourselves to develop and nurture that relationship with ourselves which, again, in my personal opinion, is the most important relationship we have, because it also sets the tone for every other relationship that we have in our lives, right. But loneliness is really, it's that state of loneliness. We've all felt that state of loneliness where it's kind of this state of sadness, right, like we're feeling sad, we're feeling isolated or disconnected, and we all know what loneliness feels like. But recognizing that a person can be alone without being lonely is extremely significant, right. And also the complete opposite of that is loneliness can also not only be when we're alone. Loneliness can also be when we're surrounded by people. So for me personally, in my teenage years, I remember I was surrounded by people and I never felt more lonely or more alone, even though there were quote-unquote physically people around me, right, but I still felt so alone. So this is why I think it's so important to very much highlight the differentiation between both solitude and loneliness, and sometimes I feel like the word solitude can kind of get like this bad rap, because it's almost like you know, oh why would you want to spend time in solitude or be alone or these different things, right? And also, sometimes I feel like solitude can be also compared with, like solitary confinement, where it's like we're not talking to anyone, we're not doing anything, it's almost like we're being in jail type of thing, right, and it's completely the opposite of that.

Speaker 1:

Okay, and another thing that I just want to clarify, on loneliness as well, and this is a great quote from Carl Jung, and he says and I think this is a very important topic that Carl Jung brings to the table here, and it's also another thing that can make us feel lonely, right, it's not only that we're surrounded by people, it's not only that we're actually physically alone, but it could also be that we're not able to express ourselves authentically, right. So that could be for a few reasons. So it could be that we are afraid of what other people think about us or just putting ourselves out there. So we wear this mask, we wear this persona, so that it kind of keeps us safe, right, so that people don't criticize us or make fun of us for whatever. It is right, maybe we've got certain opinions on something, maybe we've got certain things that we want to say, or we're just afraid of truly showing up as ourselves. Okay, so that could be one of the things, and I hope this kind of helps paint a picture of what I'm trying to say here. But again, very much, what I'm trying to say is that loneliness and solitude are two different things right Now.

Speaker 1:

Another thing that I want to highlight as well, and something that's very important to consider, is that it is a fact that human beings are social creatures. Right, we can't argue that it's important that we spend time with the people that we love. It's important that we surround ourselves with people that we care about and genuinely love spending time with, but I also believe that it's just as important to spend time with ourselves, right, because, like I said earlier, the relationship we have with ourselves sets the tone for every other relationship that we have, right, so why not invest just as much time with ourselves as we do with others? Okay, and this can look differently for a variety of different people, right, but this is the other thing as well.

Speaker 1:

A lot of people just don't like spending time alone. A lot of people can sometimes have that misconception about being in solitude. Right, it can be scary, it could be feeling like you're alone type of thing, right, but I think it's something that is very much against society's norms, right, like, if you really think about it, you don't often see people spending time alone or going to restaurants alone or going on a date by themselves, right? In fact, sometimes we've all seen this in movies or kind of heard this, or even maybe have done this ourselves in school, as an example. We notice someone who's alone, we notice someone who's going out to eat alone, or maybe they're in the movie theater alone, and we're, like, we have these assumptions, right, even though we're not necessarily saying anything out loud, we might have these kind of like unconscious assumptions, saying like, oh, I feel bad for him, he's alone, oh, I'm, you know, is he actually here alone, like all these different things, right? I know I've unconsciously done that myself, and it wasn't until I genuinely started realizing that some people just love to do that because it's spending time with themselves and they enjoy being in their own company, right, and this is also the thing I think.

Speaker 1:

For me, one of the profound lessons I've learned from solitude is empathy, right, and I know that can sound kind of weird, but at the same time, it's like when you're in solitude and you're spending time with yourself and you're learning about yourself and you're learning to nurture that relationship with yourself, you have a better understanding of yourself, which also means that you have a better understanding of other people as well. So sometimes, like you know, I'll see people alone now and I have a much different perspective than I did, you know, 10 years ago. Right, it's like, oh my goodness, like hmm, that's awesome, that's a powerful person to be able to go to a restaurant alone or a movie theater alone or doing whatever it is they want to, alone, without needing anyone else. That is a powerful person, that is a powerful place to be, and I have a lot of respect for that, because I feel like it's not something that's very much celebrated in our culture, in our society, as an example and this is why I talk about this topic a lot, just because I find it so important and it's something that, through conversations with people, I've noticed that a lot of people struggle with that, right, and myself included.

Speaker 1:

For many years, I just I could not be with myself, I could not sit with myself. Right, solitude was scary for me because, again, I was afraid to face those thoughts and those emotions and all the suppressed things that I had been pushing down. So that's a very understandable thing if you're afraid of being alone, but for some people it's also just being too bored. As an example right, we're so used now to these distractions and all the technology around us those quick dopamine hits that when we're bored for a few minutes, we're very restless, right, so it makes it extremely difficult to just spend time with ourselves or be in solitude, right, sometimes being in solitude also looks like just doing absolutely nothing, right, just sitting outside enjoying, perhaps, nature and not having any distractions like our phone and such. And some people get restless, they get bored, and there's again.

Speaker 1:

There's a lot of different reasons for that, but I genuinely do encourage you to try to start spending that time with yourself, right, if it's too difficult at first, that's completely understandable, but it's something I think it's a skill that you develop over time and if you're having a lot of trouble with that, it's certainly something that you can work with a coach or a therapist on, right, to get a better understanding of why these, maybe these thoughts or these emotions come up in all these different things. Right, and I also do one-on-one coaching If it's something that you're interested in. I have more information in my podcast description and I have my website there and all these different things, but it's also something that I personally encourage my clients a lot is to spend time alone, is to spend time in solitude, because it is such profound skill that you can learn. And you know, maybe it's just about observing your thoughts, maybe it's about sitting with emotions, maybe it's just, you know, doing absolutely nothing, and I know that can sound very boring and such, but that's the whole point, right, it's to not always be distracted by something, and it's about being able to create those little moments of peace and happiness throughout your day. Okay, I think that happiness, for the most part, is something that we can create and I'll talk about this in another episode, and I know that can kind of sound a little far-fetched, if you will, but it's just a personal perspective that I have. But sometimes it's these little moments of peace and happiness that we can build in our day. Right, it doesn't mean that we have to lock ourselves in our room for an entire day. That's not the point here. It's something that we can gradually build over time and, again, it's not a skill that we're taught, right, because, again, we're social creatures and we're encouraged to be around people and to do these different things. And some people are naturally better at this because they're a bit more introverted, as an example, right, but even introverts can feel lonely, right, like I've been pretty much introverted my entire life, but I was, you know, very, very lonely for a long time, right, so this is what I'm saying. So it's a skill that you learn to develop over time, which I think is so important to really reiterate here as well.

Speaker 1:

And another perspective that I really want to share is, like we just talked about, right, sometimes being alone can bring these feelings and these, you know, feelings of loneliness or boredom, or, you know, it gets us stuck with our thoughts. As an example, no-transcript. The way we need to start approaching solitude and time alone is stop viewing it as a bad thing and start viewing it as a place of curiosity, right, it's a time where you can learn to understand yourself, to know yourself, to know really who you are, to learn more about your passions or maybe even skills that you want to learn. Okay, being in solitude sometimes can also be going out and taking a walk in nature okay, sometimes can also be going out and taking a walk in nature. Okay, it could be spending time with yourself and reading. It could be journaling right, writing down thoughts, feelings and experiences to process emotions and gain clarity. Let's say, as an example, you're sitting down with yourself. There's a lot coming up. You can use that as a time to journal and to work through that as well. Right, it could be being more creative okay, engaging in creative activities. Maybe you want to start painting or drawing or writing.

Speaker 1:

It doesn't necessarily doesn't matter what it is right, that's spending time in solitude. So, again, yes, I truly believe that sometimes spending time in solitude can be just quiet moments of reflection right, but I think it needs to be balanced. Sometimes it can be quiet moments of reflection. Sometimes it could be engaging in something that you really want to do, like we just talked about a hobby or a skill. Maybe it's listening to music or reading a book, as an example, right.

Speaker 1:

So it's about really diving into more of the things that you want to do and learning how to make solitude fun, so that you're enjoying solitude, so that you're looking forward to spending time alone, so that maybe you've went to a social event and you're not worried about getting home and being alone or lonely, right? I think that's such an important thing. It's about learning how to really enjoy your own company. And this is why I talk about this so much, because I think it's so important to learn how to love spending time with the person you're with, because, again, the most important thing is, you are the only person you will have for the entirety of your life, right? Like you are with yourself in your body, your relationship is with yourself for the entirety of your life. So that's what I'm saying it's so important for us to learn how to enjoy spending time with ourselves and, more importantly, over time, nurturing that relationship and becoming our very own best friend.

Speaker 1:

And there's another great quote that I've read by Blaise Pascal, and I hope I pronounced that right. But essentially what they're saying is all of humanity's problems stem from man's inability to sit quietly in a room alone. And I think that this is such a profound and true statement for a lot of reasons. But first and foremost, yes, a big part of this is we're not able to sit quietly in a room alone for a lot of different reasons, right? So, like we talked about earlier, sometimes it's hard, sometimes it just it brings up a lot of different things that we haven't processed right Different thoughts, different feelings, emotions, all these different things. But also another part of this is that if we can learn how to sit quietly in a room alone, I think that we'll be able to honestly develop a better relationship with ourselves and a better trust with ourselves and a better trust with ourselves as well, especially when it comes to life circumstances where we need to make a decision on something. As an example, okay, so this could look like anything, but let's say, just hypothetically speaking, here you got offered a job, but it requires you to move to a different country, okay, okay, obviously, that can ask for a lot of different reflection and contemplation and it can also bring on a lot of different stress. Right, because that could be a significant life change, and very understandably so.

Speaker 1:

But a lot of people, what tends to happen is, before sitting down with ourself and just kind of tuning into what feels right to us, we go externally, right, right, we ask our mom, our parents, our partner, our spouse, all these different things, and the last person that we ever actually ask opinions on is with us. We're not checking with ourselves. Enough is what I'm trying to say. Okay, and sometimes we'll do things based on other people's opinions. Entirely right, maybe not necessarily this, but sometimes, honestly, just do something based on what other people think. And this can be very problematic because, again, we're not learning to trust ourself and our intuition and what feels right to us.

Speaker 1:

But if we can actually learn to sit in solitude and reflect on these questions, right, no phone, no distractions right, especially for a scenario like this, where it's just like okay, what feels right to me, what do I think is the best decision here? Right, and you can sit down, you can journal, you can write a list of pros and cons, okay, but sometimes it's about tuning out everything else externally. There's nothing wrong with asking for opinions in different things, right, like you're getting a perspective, you're getting an opinion, that's completely fine. But at the end of the day, I truly believe that you have the answer. You truly believe that you have the answer. You know what you have to do. Right, and sometimes too many external stimuli, as an example, too many external validations or ideas or all these different things can kind of cloud your judgment. Right, it can kind of cloud your intuition.

Speaker 1:

So this is the other big part, I think, of this quote that I find is very powerful is if we can learn how to sit quietly alone. I think that a lot of the questions that we are looking answers for are already within us. We just need to tap into that, okay. And if you look at a lot of different um, you know, like spiritual cultures or religions or traditions or all these different things, right. If we look at monks, for example, right, there's a reason why there's monasteries around the world and they practice like silent meditation, retreats and all these different things. Right, it's to learn how to be alone and sit with yourself and process different things, right.

Speaker 1:

And if you look at a lot of other kind of famous people, right, like artists, writers, composers a lot of people will say their greatest work was actually done in solitude, when there's no distractions, when it's just them and the paintbrush, or them and the pen as an example, right, doesn't really matter what it is. But also, if you look at people like Bill Gates, okay, he has something called his think weeks, where he literally goes, and, from my understanding, he just goes somewhere for like seven days. He digitally detox and that's where he gets his best ideas from. Right, it's a place where you can just tune out. So I don't know specifically where he goes, but he goes somewhere, right? And a lot of other people do that as well, and there's a reason for that it's because so many of our answers are found in solitude. Right?

Speaker 1:

There's another great quote that says silence is not empty, but it's full of answers, and I genuinely, genuinely believe that. So, again, when I'm talking about solitude, this is exactly what I mean. Okay, it doesn't necessarily mean that we have to go lock ourselves in a forest for a week, maybe, like Bill Gates does, right. If you want to do that, go ahead, do that, right. If you want to go for two days, three days, that's completely fine. Okay.

Speaker 1:

But solitude will look different to each and every one of us, but it could be that you just take 20 minutes in your morning to sit in the quiet, right, just enjoy the morning, sit in the quiet. Maybe you're doing some journaling, maybe you're just sitting there and just kind of being mindful about your surroundings and just learning how to be with yourself. Okay, for me, sometimes what I'll do is like, if I see it's very sunny outside, I'll just literally go sit on my deck and absolutely do nothing, right, I'll just enjoy the sun, I'll be mindful. No distractions, no phones, no, nothing, just simply sit with myself. Okay, but sometimes, also being in solitude, like I said, right, like we talked about different activities earlier, sometimes it could be that you just want to sit and watch a good movie. Right, there's nothing wrong with that, it's spending time with yourself, as long as, again, it's not a distraction or something like that. But, again, like I'm saying, solitude can look like different things for different people. But I think it's up to you to decide what you want to do in your solitude, right, it does not need to be something that's kind of like scheduled or anything, but maybe for you it's journaling, maybe for you it's meditating, maybe you're going out on nature walk, maybe you're just sitting down and doing nothing, maybe you want to, you know, sit down and quietly watch a movie with yourself, something that you've, you know, wanted to do for a while. But no other distractions, right? No phone next to you while you're watching the movie, nothing else, just you and yourself, right? I think that's all part of creating that relationship with yourself.

Speaker 1:

And now I want to dive into a bit more on why solitude is important. So I think I've highlighted this quite a bit in this episode, but I want to give a bit more examples and dive a bit deeper. So the first one is it allows you to know yourself, and I think this is a big thing about this episode. Time alone gives you time to reflect on where you are in life currently, where you want to go, what needs to change, what's going right all these different things. You can have a million different questions or journaling questions on this, right?

Speaker 1:

It's also a chance to discover more passions or things that you want, right, like a lot of people don't know what they're passionate about you know, don't know what their hobbies are and such. Well, take some time, sit down with yourself, get a pen and paper, just journal. Write down a list of things that you would like to do. Write down a list of things that you haven't done yet, that you'd love to try. Okay, maybe it's about learning a new skill. So maybe you spend that time in solitude learning how to play an instrument, or learning how to play whatever the piano or the drums or you're learning entirely new skill, but you're using that time to just be with yourself in that skill and to learn.

Speaker 1:

This is what I'm saying it's allowing you to nurture that relationship with yourself. It's allowing you to honestly get to know yourself, right? A lot of times, like we've heard this question before right, who am I? Well, solitude allows you to answer that question who am I? The only way to understand truly who you are, in my personal opinion, is to sit with yourself in solitude.

Speaker 1:

Okay, solitude also offers you independent thinking, and what I mean by that is kind of what I was talking about earlier, right, when it comes to life decisions or maybe we're going through different circumstances or a life challenge, it allows you to think about something. It allows you to really think outside the box, or to think about whatever. It is right, you've got a big decision going on. It allows you to quietly sit with your thoughts and think about maybe the best course of action or maybe the best you know worst case scenario. It allows you to really put things into perspective, because you're sitting by yourself, you're not texting someone else, you're not calling your mom for you know the advice or whatever, right, maybe you have before, but now you're generally sitting down alone and you're focusing on okay, what is the best move for me? Right? What is my soul telling me, what is my heart telling me, what is my heart feeling? Okay, all these different things, but it allows for that independent thinking.

Speaker 1:

Okay, there's a great quote by Robin Sharma that kind of highlights this, and he says in stillness lives, wisdom, in quiet, you'll find peace. In solitude you'll remember yourself. And again, this is just a really other powerful quote that I want to share because I think it puts a lot of perspective on just how important it is to spend time alone. Okay, but again, I just want to kind of clarify this again it's also just as important to spend time with people that you love and that you care about as well. Right, Equally as important, but it's also very beneficial to take some of that time as well with ourselves. Number two is that you can recharge and you can do what you want.

Speaker 1:

Okay, solitude is a powerful time for relaxation. Okay, it kind of just offers you that escape from the pressures of everyday life, not in a way of bypassing, not in that type of escape, but it could be activities such as reading, meditating or just honestly, just sitting quietly, right, just sitting quietly with yourself. Maybe you're just sitting out in the sun and you're just enjoying that moment. You're being very mindful. You're looking around, you're just enjoying, kind of, you know, the scenery, maybe there's birds, maybe there's all these different things, but those small activities are proven to reduce stress, right, and it can just rejuvenate the mind and body, okay, and this could also be a great time as well to practice a digital detox, okay. So maybe you go a day where you have no phones, maybe you put a few hours where you have absolutely no phones, right, in this time, it's really just time for you, right, to relax and not be worried about someone texting you or the next message or whatever, right, we are so on our phones and our devices and, again, they are powerful tools, but they can also be very detrimental to our mental health if we don't have those digital boundaries right. So, again, solitude can be a time to really kind of do like Bill Gates did, like I talked about right, where it's a time where you take time away from your digital devices and you just spend time with yourself.

Speaker 1:

Number three that I wanted to talk about is solitude gives you time to heal, okay. Solitude allows you to create or provide a safe space to do your inner work okay. This is so, so, so important because there's no one else around you, right? There's's no one else around you, right? There's absolutely no one else around you. You're safe. You're in a safe space wherever that container is for you, and it allows you to do that inner work. So, maybe you've been working with a coach or a therapist which I always recommend, by the way but you've been doing different things with them, but the solitude allows you to really put those things into practice.

Speaker 1:

Okay, so, maybe you're having, you know, difficulty with a specific issue in your life and you can sit down. Maybe it's in a, in a meditation or a journaling session with yourself, or just being there, right, being open and just thinking about the situation, trying to find new perspectives, all these different things but it can really allow you time to heal, right, if you're processing something that you're having difficulty processing maybe it's anger, maybe you're so sad and you need to cry, well, that's a safe space for you to do so. It's such a healing thing where you can cry. You know that there won't be any judgments whatsoever, there won't be anything externalized at all. It's all in a safe container. So this is why I'm saying it's such an important time for self-reflection.

Speaker 1:

Right, it could also be used as a time to read a specific book. Right, maybe you are, you know, going through something and you know, maybe your therapist or your coach recommended a specific book. Like, I recommend books to my clients all the time because I find it's so important for them to also use time and solitude to do the work. Right, because, yes, it's so important to go to your therapy sessions and go to your coaching sessions, but I'm a firm believer it's just as equally important, if not more important, what you're doing outside of those hours. Right, that hour with your coach, that hour with your therapist that's obviously good, it's amazing that you're doing that, but what you're doing outside of those sessions is it's I would say, personally, it's more important. Okay, so maybe, again, your coach gave you a book to read or something to really reflect on.

Speaker 1:

Right, that there's no better way than in solitude. Because for me personally, like this just happened to me two days ago I was reading a book, right, and um, I was reading this book and it stopped me in my tracks, and this is why I think reading is so profound. But I was reading something and I was like, wow, this really applies to me. And then I put the book down and I went on to this whole journey. If you will, I literally put the book down, I started journaling, I started self-reflecting and I literally uncovered a layer of myself that I didn't really find before. I didn't really know before or I had a bit of understanding, but I really found the root cause as to what that was for me specifically. So this is what I'm saying Solitude provided me that option to do that. I wasn't distracted by anything else, it wasn't on my phone, but reading a good book really helped me dive into that, and this is what I'm saying A great activity to do in solitude is reading.

Speaker 1:

That is a perfect example, right, so it allows you not to only you know, process or reflect or regulate emotions, but it can really help you dive deeper into a specific thing that you're having issues with, right. So giving yourself regular periods of solitude is important in your healing journey. And, last but not least, the final one that I want to share is it helps improve creativity and productivity as well, right, because it allows you to just be along with yourself and it allows your mind to wander, to explore ideas and explore, maybe, different things, right, so maybe you want to write something, especially with something like writing or painting as an example. Right, it's obviously good to get, you know, inspiration and such, but really, if you want to sit down and write something that's meaningful to you, it's good to you. Know, I find personally, the best way to do it is just in solitude, right, you can also put some classical music in the background, like that's personally what I do when I write, like a post for Instagram or whatever. I just sit down with myself, I'm alone somewhere and I love to have a bit of classical music in the background.

Speaker 1:

I find it just kind of matches the flow of what I'm trying to do and I just, you know, I start thinking, I let my mind wander, like what is it that I want to talk about? What is it that I feel inspired to write about today? And I just let my mind flow. I open Microsoft Word, I just let the words come to paper or, in this case, the laptop, right, but honestly, I just let it flow, right.

Speaker 1:

And also, the other side of that is it helps improve productivity as well, because you've got nothing else that's distracting you, right, you're focused on your task, you're in a state of flow and I personally believe, like when you're doing something, when you're working on a task, the best way to do it is in solitude, right, there's no distractions. You know, put your phone away. You know there's no one else around you. You're literally just focusing on the task at hand, right? So if there's something where you need to focus on problem solving, right, maybe it's something. You're like, hmm, you need to troubleshoot something or you need to do something specific. You're like, hmm, okay, how do I? You're just alone with yourself. You're allowing your mind to wander and explore different scenarios. Perspectives on how you can solve that specific issue will improve creativity and productivity in anything else that you do right, in my personal opinion. So this is what I'm saying.

Speaker 1:

Right, there are so, so, so many different benefits to solitude and there are so many more that I could list today, but I really wanted to highlight the ones that I personally have noticed in my life and people that I've worked with, but also the ones that I find that are very, very important to highlight and talk about, and I hope this episode really gives a different perspective and a different kind of yeah, a perspective or even more of kind of like this bird's eye view of why solitude is so important and solitude is not a bad thing. So, that being said, that's all I've got for you guys on today's episode. If you did like the episode, please feel free to leave a comment or review, share it. It really helps bring awareness to what I'm trying to do, which is really kind of you know, spread this podcast on a broader scale to really help people just navigate everyday life challenges. So, again, with that being said, I hope you have a good week and I will catch you guys next week. You

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