A Mindful Perspective
Welcome to my podcast! I'm Nick Levesque, and I'm on a mission to help you navigate life's challenges with a mindful perspective. Join me every week as I dive deep into the realms of mindset, spirituality, and personal growth. Drawing from my own experiences, I want to provide you with tools, strategies, insights, and inspiring stories that will help you go from where you are now, to where you want to be.
Follow me on Instagram: @nicklevesque_
Coaching: https://www.nickspiritualcoaching.com/
A Mindful Perspective
From Avoidance to Awareness: Understanding Spiritual Bypassing
Are your spiritual practices and beliefs genuinely helping you grow or masking deeper emotional wounds? This week on A Mindful Perspective, we talk about the concept of spiritual bypassing, a term coined by psychotherapist John Wellwood, which reveals how spiritual activities can sometimes serve as a defense mechanism to avoid confronting unresolved emotional issues. We challenge the notion of toxic positivity, discussing how phrases like "everything happens for a reason" can unintentionally sidestep the difficult emotions we must address to truly heal.
We then diver deeper into various spiritual practices and examine their potential to nourish the soul or numb emotional pain if approached with the wrong mindset. We analyze how these practices can become escapes rather than paths to self-improvement. The key takeaway is the importance of self-awareness and radical honesty in ensuring that your spiritual journey is genuinely contributing to your personal growth and not serving to avoid facing what life throws our way.
Finally, we emphasize the importance of building authentic relationships and address the importance surrounding ourselves with genuine, uplifting individuals and look out for those consumed by spiritual grandiosity or narcissism. Listen in to gain insightful strategies for navigating spiritual bypassing and fostering a healthier, more fulfilling path to personal growth and healing.
Hello everyone and welcome to A Mindful Perspective. I'm your host, nick Levesque, certified Spiritual Life Coach, and I'm here to share insights into my journey of mindfulness and self-discovery. Each week, we'll explore mindset, spirituality and personal growth to help you navigate life's challenges, with practical strategies and inspiring stories. Let's dive in. Hey everyone, welcome to another episode of Mindful Perspective. In today's episode, I want us to talk about spiritual bypassing, because I think it's something that's very important to consider and take note of when we're on this self-development journey or we're diving deeper into these quote-unquote spiritual topics or books or practices and all these different things. So today I really want to shed more light on what spiritual bypassing is and how it can show up in our lives. So, first and foremost, let's start by defining what spiritual bypassing is Okay. So spiritual bypassing is essentially a term that's coined by psychotherapist John Wellwood and he coined this in the 1980s and basically what it refers to is using spiritual practices and beliefs okay to avoid facing unresolved emotional issues, psychological wounds and unfinished developmental tasks. So what this means essentially is that we're using spirituality as a sort of defense mechanism, right? So it's almost like sidestepping, or you know, it's almost like trying, you think you're taking a shortcut or something right, it's almost like you're just avoiding everything. Right, you're avoiding everything because you don't want to deal with the painful feelings or unresolved traumas or, you know, emotional or psychological wounds or whatever it may be right. Essentially, you are just pushing stuff away and you are sweeping it under the rug. And I think this is an important topic to consider, because it's something that we can actually do unconsciously. Okay, it's something that can show up in our lives, and we're not doing this intentionally or trying to harm ourselves, but we can get into these kind of ideals or practices that we think will solve everything. But, honestly, if we take a moment to really self-reflect and kind of look in the mirror, we realize that these practices or ideals or concepts might actually be blocking us. Right, it might actually be showing up as a defense mechanism to not deal with the underlying issue, and this has showed up for me personally, and I'll share a bit of my own story with that later on.
Speaker 1:But let me give you a few examples of what I mean by spiritual bypassing and how it can show up in our lives. The first one that I want to talk about is toxic positivity. Okay, because I think this one is very important because, again, I am all about being optimistic and positive, but there's a difference between optimism and being optimistic about something and being overly emphasizing on, you know, the positivity that it actually becomes toxic. Okay, it's when we're using positivity as a way to not deal with the underlying emotions or the difficult challenges that we may be facing in that specific point in time. So an example of this could be, let's say, that you're really being unrealistic about a difficult challenge. Okay, so maybe you're.
Speaker 1:You know something's going on in your life. Maybe, as an example, you're going through a breakup, or you've lost your job, maybe you got laid off all these different things, right, there could be so many different things. And oftentimes you'll hear people say things like oh, it's all part of God's plan, or it's all part of the divine plan. Okay, it could be something like everything happens for a reason, or the universe has a reason for everything, right. So again, to some extent I do agree with this, but sometimes this can also be used in a way to not deal with anything, right? So, as an example, you go through this breakup and instead of grieving that breakup, you actually just sit down and say, oh well, everything happens for a reason, I'm going to find someone else, et cetera, right? Well, perhaps there is some truth to that. But if you really sit down with yourself and ask yourself honestly, are you actually using this in a positive way or a toxically positive way? There's a very big difference here, right, and I hope this kind of captures the essence.
Speaker 1:But sometimes using these sentences like everything happens for a reason can be good. It's a good perspective to have. It's a good you know, I'm not denying that whatsoever. It is a good perspective to have. But sometimes we just need to acknowledge that what we're going through is a difficult situation and we don't need to worry about everything happens for a reason right now. Sometimes it's just we need to grieve, as an example, that breakup or whatever it may be.
Speaker 1:And another thing that we need to be careful about when it comes to saying things like everything happens for a reason. Okay, I hear this a lot and you know I'm a firm believer that sometimes things can happen for a reason, but I do believe that that is very subjective to the individual, and what I mean by that is it really depends on the circumstance, right? So if you go to someone who suffered through a lot of trauma. Okay, maybe they've had significant trauma in their past, maybe they've dealt with things like sexual or physical abuse as an example, right. Well, to them, saying everything happens for a reason might not land. So it might not land as well as a breakup. Saying everything happens for a reason might not land, so it might not land as well as you know, a breakup saying everything happens for a reason. So sometimes we need to be careful how we kind of say that to other people as well, if that makes sense, right, and this is what I mean about this toxic positivity.
Speaker 1:Right, there are things, yes, you know it can happen for a reason, perhaps, right, but to tell someone everything happens for a reason, when they've suffered significant trauma, that can be very detrimental to someone. And again, like I was just saying, that might not land with someone, right, and I think it's on them to come to that understanding or realization that, hey, maybe it did happen for a reason, right, maybe this thing happened and it made me stronger. But also, on the flip side, they don't have to buy into that. Everything happens for a reason, right, maybe this thing happened and it made me stronger, but also, on the flip side. They don't have to buy into that. Everything happens for a reason, right? Because there are some things that happen to people in this world that are so beyond cruel and beyond evil that it's almost hard to justify that it happens for a reason. So I hope that makes sense in what I'm trying to say here. But sometimes that positivity can definitely, you know, sometimes we mean well with this, but sometimes also what can happen is, you know, it might not land well for someone, right? So it's just to also take that perspective. If that's your belief, that's perfectly fine, but it may not be everyone else's belief.
Speaker 1:And another quick thing that I want to add on this as well, is that sometimes also, people will get really caught up in positive affirmations. Okay, so positive affirmations, I think, are great, right, they are a great tool, they're a great resource that we can use. But using positive affirmations to the extent of denying difficult emotions and real-life challenges again falls into that toxic spectrum, right? It's like, you know, if you keep shouting affirmations in the mirror, okay, and I have nothing against this. But if you keep shouting affirmations in the mirror, okay, and I have nothing against this, but if you keep shouting stuff in the mirror that you actually don't believe. Okay, if you're saying them and there's a feeling of resistance, but you're just trying to say it over and over to you know, possibly think you'll end up believing it. To me again, that's a form of bypassing in general, because again, you're trying to make yourself believe something, that there's resistance. Right, you might be saying something in the mirror and you just you've got this resistance like you don't really believe it. Well, it's very hard to affirm something and believe in an affirmation that you, you know that's showing up with resistance and you know that you're having trouble processing and obviously I'm not saying that it's, you know, obviously it's better to talk to yourself in a positive way, but sometimes what I mean is we can use these affirmations as a way to not deal with anything. Right, it's like, okay, well, I've got this feeling inside of me, but no, no, everything's okay, I'm worthy of love and all these different things. Right, and of course you are. But if you're having trouble believing in that, then there might be a deeper layer that we need to investigate as well. Is all I'm saying right For us to truly be able to recite or say those positive affirmations with a true belief?
Speaker 1:The second one that I want to talk about is emotional numbing, or suppressing. Okay. So I think this one is very self-explanatory, but it's when we are not dealing with stuff and we are just numbing ourselves, or we are pushing stuff under the rug and we just do not want to deal with it. Right, we are tossing it into our shadow and we just don't want to deal with these things, we do not want to bring them to light. Okay, and this can get very problematic, right, because the more we store into our body, the more we don't process that. You know, it stays in our body, it has nowhere to go, as an example, okay, so this can get very detrimental to our overall well-being. But not only that, but emotional numbing can be done in so many ways, right, and you know it can be done through many different practices as well, and this is just a perspective that I want to highlight as well.
Speaker 1:I think that spiritual bypassing, okay, goes a bit or extends beyond the traditional description that I gave earlier. Okay, because I think that spirituality is very, I would say, subjective to everyone, right? So for me personally, when we think about spiritual practice as an example, we think about, like, meditation or yoga or these different things, right. But to me personally, spiritually, or spiritual practices if you will they are practices that just nourished your soul, okay. So for me that can look like working out or reading books okay. And I was talking to someone about that the other day and they were like, wow, I never thought of that as a spiritual practice, right. And I was like, absolutely, the gym for me is a spiritual practice. Reading books for me is a spiritual practice Okay, but these practices can be used for emotional numbing as well. So there are some people that might meditate, right, and it makes them feel good, but they're not actually working on the underlying issue.
Speaker 1:Okay, a quick example for myself right, like my spiritual practices, you know, my top one, I would say, is working out because it makes me feel so good. But a few years ago, when I really wasn't feeling well and I wasn't at my best and you know I've shared my story many times on the podcast, but essentially I was working out twice a day. I was working out twice a day because I thought it would make me feel good, but when I truly sat down with myself and, you know, had this conversation, this radically honest conversation, I realized that I wasn't working out twice a day to make me feel good. I was working out twice a day because I didn't want to feel period. Right, I was numbing myself, the same thing I did with weed, the same thing I did with mindless scrolling, et cetera.
Speaker 1:Right, and also, for me, reading got to that point initially, right, when I first started reading, I thought I was like, oh, I'm learning all these different things and I was just reading book after book, but I wasn't actually applying anything. Okay, I was just reading because it was an escape. I thought I was being quote unquote, productive, keeping myself busy, but it was an escape to not feel. So this is what I'm saying, right? So these spiritual practices whether it's meditation or whether it's reading or working out right, they can be forms of bypassing, and that's the thing about spiritual practices, right. In my personal opinion, anyway, it's not only meditating or yoga as an example, right, they can be whatever nourishes our soul, like I said earlier. So maybe it's a good opportunity to look at yourself and look at your life and your hobbies and things, right, and see like, hmm, are there anything or any of my practices that I do in a way, you know, that nourishes me, but also could be used in a way where I'm actually bypassing, right, I'm using those things as a way to not feel or not deal with a hard challenge or whatever it may be right, kind of like I gave in my previous example. So that's just a perspective that I want to share as well.
Speaker 1:Another one that I want to talk about here that I find is very important is some people will use being presence or presence as an escape. Okay, and what I mean by this is they will focus on being present so much that they will focus on being just to not deal with the past or the future. Right, so they just want to focus on be here, be now. Right, all we have is now, and to a certain extent, I do agree with that. Right, like, I am an advocate of being here and being now so that we don't miss out on life. Right, like, one of my favorite books is the Power of Now, and it talks all about being in the now, but it also highlights a very important topic. Right, it's just because we focus on the present doesn't mean that the past is in necessary times and we don't have to worry about our future. Right, but sometimes being present, right, and we see this online. People will share quotes, myself included, by the way.
Speaker 1:Some gurus will talk about this and sometimes I feel like we overemphasize right, and I'm guilty of this as well but we overemphasize right, and I'm guilty of this as well but we overemphasize the use of be here, be now, right, and like I had this tattooed on my chest. Actually, it's all we have is now, because, again, I'm a firm believer that the present moment is all we have, and the present moment is such an important moment to try to be in as much as we can, because we want to make sure that we're not missing out on life. We want to make sure that we're present at work, with the people that we're with, with our partner, with our spouse. But, again, there is a difference between being present and not only being present but also consciously worrying about your future and consciously learning from your past and healing your traumas, right, but some people will focus on being so present and always in the moment just to not worry about either, or, right, they don't want to deal with the past or whatever happened, their breakup and such. So it's kind of like this everything happens for a reason that we were talking about earlier. So now it's like oh well, you know, I just have to enjoy the moment, just kind of be here, be now, just got to worry about today, right, don't have to worry about anything else. And again, if you're going through a breakup as an example, we're just going to keep the example of a breakup here. But you need to be present, right. Sometimes you need to be present and actually feel and process and grieve that it's not about, you know, being present so you don't deal with anything, right? So what I'm trying to say here is that being present can actually be used as an avoidance, right, it can actually be used as a way to just focus on being right here now, so that we don't have to deal with anything, we don't have to worry about the past, we don't have to worry about whatever happens in the future.
Speaker 1:Okay, and just a quick story on this, because a few years ago I was walking in a nature park with a friend of mine and she's the one who kind of gave me this perspective this is probably like five or six years ago and I was talking to her about the book the Power of Now and how you know I really enjoyed it and all these things. And she's the one who kind of shed some light for me on this concept, right? Because I never actually understood it from that perspective. Because, for me, practicing presence was something that, you know, I tried to do gently, not to escape anything, but to make sure I'm not missing out on my life. But as I was explaining to her like it's so important to be here, to be now, to not miss out on life and all these things, she said well, you know, nick, don't you think that can also seem like a form of bypassing? Don't you think that it's almost like you're so focused on being present that it's almost like an avoidance? Right, you don't want to deal with anything in the past, you don't want to worry about the future, so you're just focusing on right here, right here, right now.
Speaker 1:And she really stopped me in my tracks and I was like, hmm, that's a very good thing to ponder, right? So? And then, you know, I started to wonder that and I was like, hmm, I can definitely see how people would use this as an avoidance, as an avoidance, as a way to not deal with anything else. Right, just focus on today, just focus on right now. And again, to a certain extent, I do agree with this right.
Speaker 1:I find it's so important for us to actually live in the now and be here, like I said, with the people that we're with, with our loved ones, in our work, and just live a conscious life, right, so that we're not constantly stuck in the future, constantly stuck in the past, that we can use both of these timelines for the wisdom that they have, right? So we project into the future to make sure that we have a good future, to make sure that we are building the life that we want to live and the life that you know our soul knows it's meant to lead. And we look at the past to understand our traumas and heal from the things that you know we need to deal with, to understand that you know. Okay, once we've dealt with these things, this will allow me to have a better present and also a better future, right, because that's another thing as well. If you haven't dealt with your trauma or your, you know, whatever it may be, those things can haunt your present, right? It's very difficult to be present and to be here and be now genuinely if you haven't dealt with past traumas and you know whatever it may be right, could be a breakup, could be all these different things. It's also very hard to be in the moment and to be in the moment genuinely right. So I hope this kind of shed some light on the perspective that I'm trying to say here.
Speaker 1:But again, trying to be present all the time can be a form of bypassing. So I really hope that this can kind of help paint a better picture of what I mean, right? So when I'm talking about spiritual bypassing, I'm not only talking about in my personal opinion anyway only these quote-unquote spiritual ideas or spiritual beliefs, right, yes, they do play a part. But I think bypassing in general is when we're avoiding something. Right, we're doing something to avoid something. That, to me personally, is bypassing, right. And I'm just trying to kind of give the perspective that, again, I think this extends beyond just quote-unquote spiritual practices. Right, because we can use anything as a form of bypassing if you really think about it. Right, like we talked about in the examples earlier.
Speaker 1:But there's also another flip side to spiritual bypassing that I wanted to talk about and that actually can be a sense of entitlement. Now, what I mean by entitlement is that some people okay, when we dive into psychology and spirituality and all these different things. They start learning new things. They start learning new things about the world, about themselves, et cetera. And then they start thinking like, oh, I've got all this knowledge, all this wisdom now, and they start kind of developing the sense of spiritual grandiosity, or even like spiritual narcissism, where they think that to put it, you know bluntly, is that they are better than everyone else. Okay, or they have the better teachings and all these different things, right. Sometimes we'll see that in gurus online and all these different things, right, they kind of develop this spiritual ego, and a lot of the times this can happen unconsciously. They're actually not even aware that you're doing this. But again, this is something to very much look out for as well.
Speaker 1:If you're diving deeper into spirituality and all these things, what I'm trying to say is just make sure that the people that you're listening to, the people that you're listening to or taking information from or maybe getting your spiritual teachings from, just try to make sure that what they're sharing and what they're teaching seems genuine, it's authentic, and they also practice what they preach as well. Right, that's really all I want to say about that as well is just to really take that into consideration as well. So, now that we've talked about these concepts and really kind of addressed more what spiritual bypassing is, now the question becomes how do we work through spiritual bypassing or ensure that we're not engaging in it or making sure that we don't get sucked into it? So the first step that I want to share with everyone today is, as I always do, is self-awareness. Okay, it's about having a radically honest conversation with ourselves. It's about honestly asking ourselves if any of our spiritual practices or teachings or ideals or beliefs or all these different things okay, are we using them genuinely, or are we using them to avoid dealing with our emotions, a difficult life circumstance, a challenge that we're going through, etc.
Speaker 1:Okay, it involves becoming aware of how spiritual bypassing might be affecting us. Right, and you know maybe you're listening to this and it's you know you're not affected by this at all. You're. You know you're doing your practices generally and you know I commend you for that. That's a great thing, but it's I find it just so important to be even aware of this topic, right? So if you've listened this far and you know you're not struggling with this, then I commend you and I'm very happy that you're listening because, again, I just find it's such an important topic to be talking about. So, again, it's really about having that self-awareness and that honest conversation with ourselves and understanding that, like, hey, okay, maybe it's time that I really sit with my stuff and deal with what is going on, whether that's through meditation, through journaling, through seeking help from a coach, from a therapist, whatever it may be right, but it's having that honest conversation with ourselves, right? So tip number one, as always, is self-awareness.
Speaker 1:Tip number two that I wanted to talk about is take responsibility. Okay, I think this is so important, but it's to be able to hold yourself accountable for your actions and, again, get the necessary help that you need to work through your challenges, right? So I truly believe that what happened to us in the past obviously is not our fault, right? But as adults, it is on us to take responsibility of our lives and at a certain point, we need to hold ourselves accountable, because the truth is no one is coming to save us, right? No one is coming to save us. That's not a harsh truth, it is just a fact. Nobody's coming to save us and at a certain point, if we've dealt with a lot, just a fact, nobody's coming to save us and, at a certain point, if we've dealt with a lot, we still need to to do the work. Is it difficult? Is it challenging? Absolutely, but it needs to be done. Otherwise, like I said earlier, right, the past impacts our present, it impacts our ability to be present and which will then impact our future as well. So it's really.
Speaker 1:Step number two is really about taking responsibility and holding yourself accountable, right, right? So if you are aware that you're bypassing and you know you're, you're having trouble with stuff, then, okay, that's completely fine, right, don't come at yourself from a place of criticism or judgment, but from a place of compassion, like I always talk about. But, again, it's just about honoring that, having that honest conversation and then seeking the support you need. Tip number three is authentic practice, okay, and what I mean by this is engaging in your spiritual practices, but engaging in them with a sense of compassion, with a kind of way of self-exploration, right, and confronting, not avoiding, your issues or your challenges. So this is what I mean by authentic practice.
Speaker 1:So, again, this is maybe a good time to look at your practices, look at your beliefs, look at all these different things and, really, you know, sit down and you can journal with this and just really ask yourself, right, like okay, again it kind of comes back to number one here, right, where it's like, okay, I'm aware that I may be bypassing or maybe doing these things. Right, what are the practices that I'm doing that might be causing me some issues? What are the practices that I'm doing that might be, you know, making me bypass, by the way? So this is why it's so important for us to be very compassionate with ourselves, right? Because, again, like I keep saying is, you cannot change what you're not aware of. So if you're just starting to be aware of this, then that's great, right, the you're not aware of. So if you're just starting to be aware of this, then that's great, right.
Speaker 1:The first step to change is being aware of the thing. So if you're aware that, hmm, okay, wow, I'm doing this, but this might be a form of bypassing, well, there you go. Right, that is amazing. That is something that you've kind of just clicked in, right, that's something kind of like this self-realization, and that's the first step towards change, right? So maybe it's a practice, maybe it's letting go of something. An example of that could be a substance that you might be using in order to bypass, okay, all these different things.
Speaker 1:But really, tip number three is about that authentic practice. Tip number four is integration. Okay, so what I mean by integration is balancing both our spiritual practices with psychological work. Okay, so we need to ensure that both aspects are supporting our overall well-being and personal growth. Now let me expand on this a bit. What I mean by that is reading books is great, but it's not enough just to read. We need to apply what we're reading right. So, coming back to the example that I was talking about earlier, okay, we can do all these different things. Another example of that okay, I went to a men's retreat last July.
Speaker 1:It was a powerful experience. We were 18 men and basically 18 men gathered in a room. Most of them never saw each other before and we're opening our hearts, we're talking and dealing with traumas all these different things Very, very impactful retreat. There are these retreat for women as well, but basically, at the end of the retreat, there's kind of this integration period where it's very important for you to apply and really take those teachings and that wisdom that you've gotten from that retreat right. But, as our instructor was saying, some people will just kind of jump from retreat to retreat and not really integrate anything. They're just kind of jumping because it's an experience, it's numbing them in a certain way and they're actually not integrating or dealing with anything, right? So they're just jumping from one retreat to the next. And he used a specific term for this and I honestly don't remember, but basically that's what he was saying, right? It can also be used as a form of bypassing, which I found to be quite phenomenal, to be quite honest, right, I never even thought of it that way, but that's what he was saying, right? So this is what I mean by integration.
Speaker 1:Okay, it's great to read books. It's great to, you know, watch YouTube videos and have profound lessons and listen to, you know, philosophers like Alan Watts, for example, which is kind of an idol of mine, to be quite honest. But again, that isn't enough, right? If we know that we need extra psychological work, then it's working with a coach or a therapist, as an example, right, to help us process our traumas or deal with whatever it is that we need to deal with at that point in time, right, but both go hand in hand, okay, I think it's kind of like that psycho-spiritual approach that is needed, right, it's about integrating spirituality and psychology together, because I think that they are one in the same right. So it's about doing both and integrating both and integrating your teachings into your life.
Speaker 1:The final tip that I want to share with everyone today is community and connection. Okay. So, very simply put, it's about surrounding yourself with the right people. Okay, it's about building supportive relationships that encourage honest communication and emotional expression, right, so that we're not in places that we can't authentically express ourselves, that we're not surrounded by people that you know we can't be authentically who we are and express ourselves as we are. Right, like I know.
Speaker 1:For me personally, I would never want to be with a group of friends where I feel like I have to put a mask on right, where I have this persona that it's not me, as an example, and that's exactly what a persona is. It's a mask that we put to face the world because, you know, part of us is too afraid of being vulnerable, so we put on this mask, this persona, for others to see us a specific way. Now, personas can also be good, right. I won't get into this whole talk about personas right now, but in certain places we do need to have a persona Like when we're teaching, right?
Speaker 1:A school teacher kind of needs to put that mask of a teacher to go in and, you know, teach students in a professional way, right, we have that professional persona, but there's also a persona that a lot of people will put as a mask to try to fit in right, to try to be accepted in all these different things and this is what I mean by community and connection is to be surrounded by people who make you take that mask off, right?
Speaker 1:Or, you know, make sure that you don't need to put a mask on, you don't need to cover yourself with anything, so that you can honestly express and communicate who you are and, more importantly, to make sure that you're not surrounded by, like I was talking about earlier, spiritual narcissists or people who have that spiritual grandiosity, right, because, again, you want to surround yourself with people who will uplift you, right, and it's like I keep saying and I think everyone knows this but the people you surround yourself with is everything right. So, again, it's really about fostering a group of people that can really help you excel. So, that being said, that's all I've got for you guys on today's episode. If you did like the episode. Please feel free to leave a comment or review, share it. It really helps bring awareness to what I'm trying to do, which is really kind of spread this podcast on a broader scale to really help people just navigate everyday life challenges. So, again, with that being said, I hope you have a good week and I will catch you guys next week. You.
