A Mindful Perspective
Welcome to my podcast! I'm Nick Levesque, and I'm on a mission to help you navigate life's challenges with a mindful perspective. Join me every week as I dive deep into the realms of mindset, spirituality, and personal growth. Drawing from my own experiences, I want to provide you with tools, strategies, insights, and inspiring stories that will help you go from where you are now, to where you want to be.
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A Mindful Perspective
How to Be Alone Without Being Lonely
Do you often feel lonely or have trouble being alone? In this episode, we talk about the difference between loneliness and solitude, and how Solitude can provide an opportunity to grow and become our own best friend. I draw from my personal experiences to reveal how solo time can be an enriching experience. We'll navigate the often misunderstood realm of solitude, discussing ways to foster a nurturing relationship with ourselves and leave behind the societal preconceptions that can cloud our perception of spending time alone.
I share strategies that invite you to become your own best friend. This episode is not just about enjoying one's own company; it's a deeper dive into the art of sitting with our emotions and turning what may feel like punishment into a profound opportunity for growth. By embracing the quiet moments life hands us, we can unearth the treasures of introspection that lie within. I'll also tackle the tricky influence of social media on our sense of isolation and provide practical advice on how to harness activities like meditation and journaling as tools for self-discovery.
Wrapping up, I challenge you to examine the concept of solitude as a canvas for personal clarity. Take the space to confront the underpinnings of loneliness and emerge with insights that could reshape your approach to life. This episode is packed with heartfelt stories and actionable tips, all shared in the hope of guiding you toward a more peaceful and self-sufficient existence.
Hello everyone and welcome to A Mindful Perspective. I'm your host, nick Levesque, certified Spiritual Life Coach, and I'm here to share insights into my journey of mindfulness and self-discovery. Each week, we'll explore mindset, spirituality and personal growth to help you navigate life's challenges, with practical strategies and inspiring stories. Let's dive in. Hey everyone, and welcome to another episode of A Mindful Perspective.
Speaker 1:Today, I want us to talk about the importance of knowing how to be alone without being lonely, Because I truly believe that learning how to be alone and embracing our solitude is a skill that can generally benefit everyone. Okay, so I know that personally, for me, being alone is something that I struggled with for a long time, and it's also a common theme that I've seen with clients that I've worked with and people I've talked to. So today I really want to dive into how to be alone without being lonely. So, first and foremost, I think it's important to talk about being alone versus being lonely. Okay, because there is a very significant difference, because I think we live in a society where being alone is not really seen as the norm, and maybe take a moment to think about this for yourself, like I know, as I was kind of putting this episode together, I was like, okay, think about some times where you've seen people alone in the past, right, what do you think about seeing people by themselves, whether it was in high school, whether it was sitting alone at a restaurant or a movie theater, for example, right, whatever the circumstance may be, I remember myself personally, and even, you know, talking with friends. I would be like, oh my goodness, he looks so alone that, you know, I feel bad. Maybe he doesn't have any friends, or maybe she doesn't have any friends, or maybe they're, you know, they're just very lonely is an example, right. But what I've noticed and what I've learned throughout the years and you know from a personal experience as well is that there's a very big difference between being alone versus being lonely. Okay, and more specifically, let's use the words loneliness and solitude, and I mentioned this distinction because it's very important to understand, because there's a lot of people, myself included, that actually love to be alone and even though they're alone, they're not lonely, okay. So solitude is spending time alone in a healthy manner.
Speaker 1:Loneliness is a state of sadness, feeling like someone has no friends, no company, etc. Okay, but being alone is really just a physical state, right, you have no one around you essentially, but loneliness is actually an emotional response of feeling isolated or disconnected. And the problem with loneliness becomes when it's a chronic feeling or a constant feeling, okay, when you're starting to constantly feel lonely all the time, that is when it can be extremely impactful, because at that point it can actually cause you a lot of anxiety and, for some people, even depression, right. So loneliness, okay, can actually lead to a lot of mental health issues. So this is why I'm saying it's so important for us to recognize that a person can be alone without feeling lonely. Right, I think that's the very first crucial step.
Speaker 1:But being alone is not the same thing as being lonely. And there's a beautiful quote by Paul Tillich and he says language has created the word loneliness to express the pain of being alone, and it has created the word solitude to express the pain of being alone, and it has created the word solitude to express the glory of being alone. And I think this message really encapsulates what I'm trying to say in this episode, and it's that solitude is not empty. Okay, solitude is full of answers. Being able to sit with ourselves, being able to spend time by ourselves and enjoy our own company is a superpower, and it's a power that, honestly, very few have. Okay, because I know that a lot of people struggle with being alone, which is completely understandable. I know I used to struggle with that myself. But the thing about that as well is that this is what I mean, why it's so important to understand what loneliness truly means, because we can be surrounded by people yet feel absolutely alone.
Speaker 1:Okay, and this happened to me personally. I remember, you know, in my high school years and even up to my early twenties, even though I was surrounded by people, I never felt more alone in my life, and this, for me specifically, was because I never enjoyed drinking. Okay, I have nothing against drinking, nothing at all I just personally never enjoyed drinking. So when I would go out to parties or clubs or whatever and I was always sober I would always get questioned on it. So people will always come up to me and say like, oh, you're not drinking, why aren't you drinking? And then I always had to explain myself. And, honestly, not only did I have to explain myself, but people would judge me. They would tell me, like my goodness, you're so boring, or how do you even have fun? All these different things, right? I remember someone even telling me, like, how do you even get a date if you don't drink and all these different things, right? So people would really kind of judge me because I just didn't like drinking.
Speaker 1:So this is exactly what I mean by we can be surrounded by people, yet feel so alone. Okay, even though I was surrounded by people, whether it was a house party or a club I would still feel so alone. And it's at that time that I kind of started to explore more of being with myself a lot more and, just you know, hanging out with myself a lot more. But it was kind of a double-edged sword because, depending on the circumstance that I was in, right, like those house parties or whatever I would feel so alone even though I was completely surrounded by people. But, on the other hand, I had trouble being alone. Okay, I had trouble being alone because I was with my thoughts, I didn't know how to deal with my things. So, honestly, I just felt very lonely for many years.
Speaker 1:But what this taught me, and what I learned over many years of spending more time with myself and learning how to be with myself, is that being alone is a skill. Not only is it a skill, but it is a skill that we are not taught Because, again, kind of in society, we are expected or encouraged to go out and meet people and do all these things, which is great. By the way, I'm not saying we should not be socializing at all. Right, socializing is absolutely a must. We're social creatures. We need to be communicating and networking with people. But I also think that being alone and learning how to be alone is just as valuable as a skill as anything else in life. And again, when I say this, you don't need to start this off by going to isolate yourself in a forest or like lock yourself in your room or whatever. Right, that's not what I'm saying. But, honestly, if you can just learn to start spending a little bit of time alone with yourself which we'll talk about later I think it's a gift that you can give yourself.
Speaker 1:Okay, it doesn't mean that you can't spend time with people, it doesn't mean that you can't go, do activities and all these different things. But the truth is, there will come a certain time in your life where you will have to be alone for a little while. There will come a certain time in your life where you will have to face yourself. Okay, maybe you're with someone, you're living someone, you're alone. Okay, you'll be alone for a while, and that's very hard, because now you have to, first and foremost, process the breakup, but also process spending time with yourself. As an example, it could be that your roommate moves out.
Speaker 1:There are so many circumstances, but I truly believe that at a certain point in our lives, we'll be forced to be alone for a little bit. Doesn't matter the amount of time, but if we don't know how to be alone, if we don't spend that time to nourish the relationship we have with ourselves, which I truly personally believe is the most important relationship that we will ever have, this is where we become extremely lonely, which can then really impact our mental health, right. So this is why I'm saying it's so, so, so important to learn how to be alone, so that, even though we are alone for a little while, that we can learn to use that time to grow right. We can use that time to learn more about ourselves. What do we like, what are our dreams, what are our passions All these different things. But truly, I think that silence is not empty, but it's full of answers, and I think it's also important to highlight that.
Speaker 1:I completely understand that some people have a natural inclination to be alone. Okay, some people, just off the bat, they're just, you know, they like to spend time by themselves and they don't really have trouble with that. Some people avoid solitude like the plague. And avoiding solitude, by the way, is not only just always being out and partying and doing these things. That's definitely one form of it. But avoiding solitude could be exactly like what I did, okay, which is literally distracting yourself or numbing yourself. So in my personal case, I would smoke it away or scroll it away. Right, even though I was alone and I was doing something, I still had trouble being alone. So, to avoid that feeling of loneliness and to avoid facing myself which I think is a very important thing here I would just scroll it away or smoke it away, Because I truly understand and I think this is one of the parts of loneliness is not only that, you know.
Speaker 1:Yes, of course, sometimes we can feel lonely. We can go on social media, we can see people doing all these different things and it makes us want to do something right. It makes us compare ourselves to others, it makes us want to go out and do something right. We might see our friends out partying and we're like, oh, I don't have friends, I don't have all these things. But I think sometimes when we're sitting in loneliness and sitting by ourselves, it makes us think about all the things. That's kind of quote, unquote, wrong with us, right. So we'll start kind of getting in these negative rumination patterns where it's like, oh, I don't have any friends, I should be doing this. Oh, I'm not where I should be in life. And then we get so self-critical and, you know, we attack ourselves with shoulds and we should be doing this, we should be doing that. But again, sitting with ourselves can be extremely difficult, which is why we don't want to be alone. Okay, so again, oftentimes, to avoid that feeling of loneliness, we distract ourselves, we numb ourselves, we do whatever it takes not to feel what we need to feel. Right, and that's the thing with feeling. Feeling is painful, which is why we avoid it. Right? Actually, sitting down and working through that loneliness and allowing yourself to feel that feeling of loneliness is actually very painful. So we don't want to do it.
Speaker 1:And just to put this into perspective, I want to share a study with you that I found that really highlights how people have trouble being alone with their thoughts and just kind of just being alone with themselves. Okay, so there was a study conducted by Timothy Wilson, who is a psychology professor at the University of Virginia. Okay, so, timothy and his colleagues conducted 11 experiments to determine how well people tolerate a few minutes of quiet time. Okay, so, they tested this from a broad range of people, so from college students to folks actually pushing their eighties. Okay, so, honestly, there was quite a wide variety of people trying this. So, basically, these people had two options Okay, either they sit alone in a room with themselves for 60, 15 minutes with no phones or nothing at all right, just with themselves and their thoughts, or they had an option to get an electric shock and leave the room, and what the studies found was that 67% of men chose to get an electric shock and 25% of women chose to get an electric shock. Okay, so, these are quite fascinating studies. That means that there's a serious amount of people that even have difficulty being alone with their thoughts, being alone with themselves in a room, even if it's just for 6 to 15 minutes.
Speaker 1:And for me personally, this is why I think the most profound form of loneliness we experience comes from our disconnection with ourselves. It comes from. Do we truly like ourselves? Do we truly like the person that we are spending time with? And most of the times we don't, because of our limiting beliefs, of our inner critics, the negative thought patterns that are constantly going on. Okay, we constantly think that we should be doing something else, being somewhere else, et cetera, all these different things, right, so we just don't like to be alone with ourselves. But, again, I truly believe that if we can develop that relationship with ourselves, like any other relationship, it can flourish into something that's absolutely beautiful.
Speaker 1:Okay, and for me personally, I truly understood the power of solitude when COVID hit, because COVID obviously lasted for a while and here in Canada we had lockdowns for a month at a time and then we had time where we could see our friends or whatever. It was very restricted, all these different rules, but the thing is I lived alone during the entirety of that pandemic. Okay, so I had very little access to people. I had very little access to connections, obviously through, you know, social media and these different things, but actual, you know, physical contact with people and, you know, going to see my brother and all these different things was very limited. So I was kind of backed into a corner and I was kind of forced to learn how to be alone, and I truly understood that. Okay, I am in a situation right now where there's really nothing I can do. Right, I am alone and there's absolutely nothing I can do. So I can do two things here Either I can still keep struggling like I am or I can learn how to be alone and I can really learn to develop that friendship with myself.
Speaker 1:And the most powerful lesson I think I personally learned from COVID was to become my own best friend. What I realized is that if we use solitude in a healthy way, okay and this is why I keep saying the word solitude, because solitude and loneliness are different right, but if we can learn how to be alone in a constructive and healthy manner, okay, solitude is not a punishment, but it's a way to grow as a person, okay, and it's a way to grow that relationship with ourself. And again, I personally think that the relationship with ourselves is the most important relationship of all, because not only does it set the tone for other relationships, but I mean, you're stuck with yourself forever, right, like honestly, you really are stuck with yourself forever. So, instead of seeing solitude as a time of punishment. I saw it as a time for growth. I saw it as an opportunity to actually face myself, face my demons, right, face the parts of myself that I've kind of sweeped under the rug and just put down into my shadow, right. I saw it as a time to truly nurture that relationship with myself.
Speaker 1:And one thing to highlight here that I think is very important as well is that you don't just become your own best friend overnight, okay. Like any other relationship, it takes time to flourish. Okay, when you meet someone, you're not automatically their best friend, right. Sure, some people you can click with, some people that you kind of resonate a bit more with, but you're not their best friend automatically. So if you've been your own worst critic for years, as an example, you're definitely not going to become your own best friend overnight, okay. So this is just what I want people to keep in mind. So, again, it is a relationship that you have to nourish and that will flourish over time.
Speaker 1:But now the question becomes how do we be alone, right? How do we actually spend time alone without being lonely? Tip number one is very simple and very basic, but it's literally just to make a list of things you love that you can do when you're alone. Okay, so it could be anything. It could be choosing your own TV show, it could be doing your favorite activities, it could be cooking your favorite meal, as an example, right? So write down a list of things that you love that you can do when you're alone. Okay, this just reinforces the statement that being alone isn't always boring. Being alone Isn't always just mundane, right? You can actually take time to do the things that you really want to do. Right? It's a time when you can really spend time with yourself and do things maybe you put off. Right, it could be chores or whatever. It could be activities that you've been wanting to try, that you haven't done yet, right? So, literally, just make a list of things that you love, that you can do when you're alone, and again, it can be very simple and very basic, but at least it kind of switches the narrative from oh my goodness, being alone is it sucks, kind of thing. Right, because it truly does it. Right. Again, it's like I said earlier it's how you spend that time when you're in solitude. That's very important.
Speaker 1:Tip number two is to sit with it. Okay, so this is probably the most important and hardest tip that I can share today, but it's to truly acknowledge what you're feeling. Don't smoke it away or scroll it away or keep distracting yourself. Right, there's nothing wrong with doing activities that you love and all these different things, but if you're only doing that as a form of distraction, that's not ideal. Okay, there are some people that can even read too much, as an example, right, they're reading because they're trying to escape. They're reading because they're trying to not feel what it is that they need to feel. Okay, anything can be too much distraction. My personal opinion if you find yourself distracting yourself because you don't want to feel, that's a perfect indicator that you're pushing something away. Okay, so, again, don't smoke it away, don't scroll it away, don't distract yourself to the point where you're just doing things to not feel anything. Right, because again, honestly, that will only end up making you feel worse in the long run. So this is why it's so important to really sit with it and acknowledge what you're feeling, because whatever you're feeling will pass. Okay, it will pass.
Speaker 1:Typically, an emotion lasts about 90 seconds. Okay, unless the mind comes in and fuels that narrative that you're saying okay. So if you are feeling something, if you are feeling that sense of loneliness, just take a moment to sit with that and feel into it, breathe into it. Where is that showing up for you in your body? Is it just showing up as anxiety somewhere in your stomach, as an example, right? Is it showing up in your chest? Is it showing up? Where is it showing up? Don't try to think about everything, right? Sometimes you know it's important to self-reflect and you know, understand where things are coming from. But when you really have to feel something, try to keep the mind out of it. You can actually wonder about that later on. But just allow yourself to feel the emotion Because, again, typically allowing yourself to feel that full experience of the emotion, that is how you truly process that feeling okay and honestly in these circumstances.
Speaker 1:That is how you truly process that feeling okay and honestly in these circumstances, treat yourself like you would treat a friend in the exact same circumstance. What words of wisdom would you give a friend or someone you know in your current situation? Honestly, I think that is such an important step. Okay, have that compassion for yourself, because what you're feeling is completely valid and it's okay to be feeling what you're feeling. It's okay to be feeling lonely or sad or whatever emotion you're feeling is completely valid and it's okay to be feeling what you're feeling. It's okay to be feeling lonely or sad or whatever emotion you're currently experiencing at that point in time.
Speaker 1:Tip number three is take time to self-reflect. So earlier we were just talking about how spending time with our emotions and really feeling into it is very important, and sometimes not letting the mind take over, because that can just really fuel that emotion and it can just kind of get you in a spiral, which is not what we want. We really want to feel through that experience. However, it's also important to understand where this loneliness is coming from and why you're feeling so lonely. It's very important to also understand this so you can take time to self-reflect through meditation, it could be journaling, it could be different types of modalities that you can use. Right, there are so many different things and I have episodes entirely on this if you want to check those out.
Speaker 1:But again, what is the story that you're telling yourself, right? What is it that's making you feel alone? Is it that you're constantly checking social media and comparing yourself to others, thinking you should be out there doing something else, and it's making you feel like you don't have friends, even though you've got a bunch of friends as an example, right? If that's really the case, then maybe you need to stop being on social media or limit your time on social media. Are you feeling lonely because you've just gotten out of a relationship and you think you'll never find someone else in all these different things, right? Well, chances are that's absolutely not true and you will find someone else. And, honestly, this is what I'm saying this is the time for you to work on yourself and this is this time for you to really understand this, because if you don't, you will only keep repeating those patterns, right?
Speaker 1:I know so many people personally that cannot be alone. They don't know how to be alone, so they jump from one partner to the next, they jump from one relationship to the next. They never actually take time to fully be on their own and to understand themselves fully and completely. And I'm not saying that you need to understand yourself 100% before being into a relationship, but you need to understand where that source of loneliness is coming from, because the honest truth is that no one else is going to complete you.
Speaker 1:I've been there personally where I felt so lonely, so had so much issues sitting with myself and I thought getting a girlfriend would complete me. And then I got into this relationship, thinking all my issues resolved because now I had this person right. But all I was doing is projecting all my stuff onto that person, onto that relationship, all my insecurities, all my fears, all these different things, right. I never got to the core reason of why I didn't like to be with myself and honestly, it's because I did not like myself. And I think for a lot of us that is the core reason is we have trouble being with ourselves because we don't actually like ourselves.
Speaker 1:And this is very important to understand, because I'm a firm believer that if we don't develop that relationship with ourselves, how can we develop a relationship with someone else right? If we have trouble being with ourselves and we're not even happy with ourselves, how can we expect to make someone else happy, right? How can we expect to give someone the love and conscious relationship that they deserve if we can't even actually generally love ourselves? And again, I really just want to highlight that we don't need to be completely in love with ourselves or 100% healed to be in a relationship. That's not what I'm saying at all, right. What I'm saying is that it's important for us to have an understanding of our own shadow aspects, the things that we've pushed away, the things that we don't want to deal with as an example, so we don't end up projecting that onto our partner and vice versa, so that they don't project onto us. Okay, and of course, projections are unconscious most of the time. So it will happen, right, it's completely happening.
Speaker 1:But If both parties choose to join the relationship in a conscious perspective, completely acknowledging that, hey, I have flaws, I have stuff to deal with, I'm working on that, the other partner as well. A, I have things to work on, I have things that I've suppressed, I've repressed, etc. If they can choose to work on those things together and add that to the relationship without having to have both shadows boxing each other, which is essentially called shadow boxing. You know, have both shadows boxing each other, right, which is essentially called shadow boxing. If we can at least bring that into the relationship consciously, then there's a much bigger chance that the relationship will not only succeed, but that it will flourish and that you will get to know yourselves better as well, right? So again, I truly believe that you do not need to be fully healed to be in a relationship. But it's very important to understand why you're so lonely, because if you're not understanding that, okay, and you break up with someone, again, you're just going to do the same thing. You're going to jump from relationship to relationship because again, you don't want to deal with that part of you that hates to be alone.
Speaker 1:Tip number four is get curious, okay. So I think the most important part about solitude is to get to know yourself, right, to really enjoy spending time with yourself, and I think this starts with truly looking for opportunities that you can be alone with yourself, right and again, I just want to very much highlight this right, you don't need to always be by yourself. It's very important. We're humans, right, it's very important to have that human connection. It's very important to hang out with people, but if you can find spaces in your day, even if they're just little moments of time, or maybe it's, you know, a day in the week that you dedicate entirely to yourself, and you start to really take that time to get to know yourself. Who are you, what do you love, what do you want to do more of? What are things that you haven't tried yet that you really want to do.
Speaker 1:Getting curious about yourself, I think, is the best way to truly understand that relationship with yourself. Right? Because, like any other relationship when you get a friend, when you get a girlfriend or a partner, whatever it may be, right You're curious about them, you want to know about them. So why is it that we don't reciprocate that same amount of curiosity towards ourselves? So, again, try to find opportunities in your day or in your week to spend time with yourself and to get to know yourself. And, like I keep saying, getting to know yourself has a polarity.
Speaker 1:Okay, so it's not only to get to know yourself and the good things about yourself, like your strengths, what do you love, what do you want to do more of. Those are all very important things, right? Very much so. But it's also getting to know and understand the parts of you that you've pushed away for a while. And it's also getting to understand why you do certain things or why you do certain behaviors as well. Getting to know yourself isn't all butterflies and rainbows, and I'm just being very honest here. And, of course, if you're someone with severe traumatic experiences or childhood experiences, you may need to work with a coach or a therapist to really guide you into that being alone in solitude? Yes, absolutely, it's important to get to know yourself, but sometimes there are challenges that we will need help with. Okay, that's just being very honest with that, right.
Speaker 1:But again, getting to know yourself, and even though it's looking at parts of yourself that you don't typically want to look at, it's again looking at it from a sense of wonder, a sense of compassion and a sense of curiosity. Right, instead of saying you know, oh, why do I keep doing this? You can say like, okay, what is causing me to do this? Right, switching sometimes the question from why to what is a powerful shift, because sometimes the why can keep us kind of trapped in that victim mentality. Right, not always, not all the time, but sometimes we can say things like why is this happening to me? Right, you could say something and said, like what is this trying to teach me? That's just a shift. But sometimes, if you feel like you're asking yourself questions with why and you keep sinking down or keeps bringing negative emotions, try to switch it to a what, because a what can kind of provide next action, steps and also a solution or at least something else that you want to try.
Speaker 1:Tip number five is to do a social media audit. Okay, I truly believe that social media is amazing, it's a powerful tool, it's a great tool, but it can be problematic. Okay, for me personally, it was for many years and it took me a while to actually use it consciously. I was comparing myself to other people, I was doing all these things, but there's a quote by Stephen Bartlett that I came across and he said social media is designed to make you think maybe I should be somewhere else, doing something else with someone else. But if you always think your happiness is somewhere else, it will never be where you are. And this, I found, is so, so, so profound. And it's really what I'm trying to say with this tip here.
Speaker 1:Right, if social media is causing you to compare yourself to others, if it's giving you FOMO, right, like fear of missing out, if you see other people hang out, it's making you think, oh, you know, I never hang out with people, I don't have friends, all these things, and it's making you see reality kind of distorted, right, because, again, maybe you do have a lot of friends or maybe you're just not doing something in that moment, but again, social media is making you feel like, oh, I'm always lonely, I'm always by myself. All these different things, right Again. So this is what I just mean by do a social media audit, okay, is it actually benefiting you? Or would it maybe be a good and wise decision to kind of taper off social media or unfollow people that are, you know, giving you that perspective for at least now? Right, for a short amount of time, until you can actually learn more about yourself and then start using it more consciously?
Speaker 1:Tip number six is to try a new hobby. Okay, I think this is so, so, so important because, again, when we are spending more time with ourselves, right, it doesn't necessarily mean that we are just spending time in solitude, alone, locked in the woods somewhere, right, it doesn't necessarily mean that we are just spending time in solitude, alone, locked in the woods somewhere, right, or in our rooms, okay. I think that spending time alone is to learn about ourselves and is to also try different things that we've been wanting to try for a long time, okay. So try a new hobby, whether it's going to work out, yoga, dance, reading, as an example, right. So many different things that you can try. Personally, I think working out is a phenomenal one, and any type of workout. It doesn't need to be the gym, but it could be yoga, it could be swing, anything like that, right? But moving your body will get you out of your head and into your body. It will make you feel better, and we all know, like everyone knows, that working out is very good for your mental health, right? So if you're someone that's feeling lonely all the time and such, if you really try to at least move your body in some way, shape or form, that can very much help.
Speaker 1:Another thing, personally for me that really changed my life was reading. One thing I did when I was really kind of during the COVID pandemic and enjoying my solitude and really diving deeper into that, was reading. Reading definitely helped me, and reading, I think, is something that teaches you how to be alone as well, because you're with your book. You're reading, you're just you in the book, right? You can't be with anyone else, you can't be doing anything else. If you're reading, you're just with you in the book and you're learning as you go, whether that's, you know, reading a fiction book, whether that's reading a self-help or self-development book, whatever you want to do, reading is a powerful skill and it's good, right, I think again, sort of like working out. Everyone knows that reading has so many benefits and for me personally, reading is something that changed my life in a lot of ways. But you know, if you're someone that really struggles with how to be alone or you struggle with loneliness, then buy a book on loneliness or how to deal with loneliness or how to be alone type of thing. And that's the beautiful thing about reading is that you can read on whatever it is you want. And if you read something that changes your life, or if you read something that adds more tools to your tool belt, then again that is a major win. Okay, because again then you're able to deal with something If it comes back. You have a new set of tools that you're equipped with to deal with that certain situation.
Speaker 1:And there's just one little tangent that I want to bring in here as well, as I keep saying, everything has a polarity. Okay, it's very important to find hobbies and find things that nurture our soul and try new things, but it's also okay to be bored sometimes. Okay, I know this sounds a bit odd, but it's also okay to just sit with yourself for a little bit and not do anything. I'm not saying, do that for five hours. But a lot of the times people are bored and they get restless. They don't know what to do. They get anxious Again, first and foremost because sometimes they don't like to be with themselves, et cetera, but also it's because our society is not used to just being bored.
Speaker 1:We're not used to doing nothing at all. Okay, we always have a constant distraction, whether it's the phone, whether it's Netflix, we've always got something, a dopamine hit of some sort, to make sure that we are never bored. So when you feel that sense of boredom coming on, I invite you and I encourage you to actually lean into it instead of just trying to distract yourself for the next best thing. Okay, unconsciously, I know, we reach for the phone, we reach for Netflix, but allow yourself to just sit in that boredom for a bit. That in and of itself, I think personally for me what I've noticed for myself anyways also helped me kind of tune into myself a bit more and develop a better relationship with myself by allowing myself to not constantly keep distracting myself with all that's around me.
Speaker 1:It is okay to be bored, it is okay to not do anything and just let your mind wander for a bit. Again, I know this is challenging at first. Okay, it's very challenging at first. But allowing your body to get used to this state of peace, because a lot of the times we're so busy, we're so stressed, we're always go, go, go, always doing something Our body's always constantly in this kind of fight or flight state right, there's not actually a threat, but it feels like there is. So we're not allowing ourselves to just sit and relax, okay, and after a while, just allowing yourself to be bored for a few minutes, you're kind of retraining your body and telling your body it's okay to not be doing anything, okay. So that's just kind of a side tangent that I want to throw in here as well. But again, tip number six try a new hobby, try something you've never done before, try something that you've been dying to do but you haven't done. You don't need to wait on anyone, you can try it yourself.
Speaker 1:Tip number seven is to take yourself out on dates. This is extremely difficult and awkward at first, but it's probably the most rewarding thing you can do for yourself. Because, again, just like any other relationship, right, we want to nurture a relationship. If you've got a partner, okay, well, you want to take that partner out on dates. You want to go out on dates with someone. But why don't we want to take ourselves out on dates? Why? Because society doesn't, you know, agree with that. Because society sees it as strange.
Speaker 1:Maybe you're afraid that someone will judge you if you go eat alone or go to a movie alone. Sure, maybe some people will look. But, honestly, I can promise you one thing If you have the power to go do something alone, if you have the power to go sit in a restaurant alone, if you have the power to go watch your favorite movie alone and you don't need anyone else, you have a power that most people don't have. And you have a power to go watch your favorite movie alone and you don't need anyone else. You have a power that most people don't have and you have a power that most people wish that they had. And that is one thing that I can promise you, because a lot of people wish that they could do things on their own and they just can't Because they're afraid of being judged by society, because they're afraid of spending time alone, by themselves. And this is something I've noticed in conversations with people. They say something along the lines of oh, I had plans tonight, but now my friends canceled, so I'm just going to stay home and do nothing.
Speaker 1:Okay, why, if it's something that you can do on your own, why not just go do it on your own? Or why not find something else that you can do on your own? Why do you have to wait for anyone to do something by yourself? If you want to go shopping, you don't need to go shopping with your friends. Take yourself out on a date, go buy yourself things. Go buy yourself flowers if you want, right? I don't care what it is that you want to go buy. But again, like I said earlier, for me personally, I love to take myself out to go to a movie, right?
Speaker 1:If you really want to build that relationship with yourself and become your own best friend, I think that taking yourself out on dates is probably one of the most important thing. Again, I just want to highlight the importance here. Solitude is amazing, but solitude is not only sitting in a forest somewhere or sitting in your room, right, those can be great things for solitude, but solitude can be. For me personally and it was my perspective on it is enjoying things by yourself, whether that's being in a movie theater alone, by yourself, just enjoying the movie, whether it's going to a restaurant and enjoying that peace and quiet, just that you time you're having your favorite meal. Those are all examples of solitude. Okay, so, very much. So. Tip number seven is to take yourself out on dates. Tip number eight is to socialize.
Speaker 1:Okay, so I know this can sound very controversial to everything we've just talked about today, but honestly, human beings are social creatures. If you look at our ancestors, they all had tribes, all these different things. We are meant to connect with humans. We are meant to connect with people. Okay, so socializing is a great thing, especially sometimes when we're feeling lonely. We just feel like you know, we want to meet new people. We want to meet people that are kind of where we're at in life. Or maybe we want to meet people who do more of the same things as we do. Okay, maybe you enjoy reading but none of your friends read and you want to talk to more people that like reading, so you join a book club. Okay, maybe you like rock climbing and you know you don't have anyone to talk to about it, so you join a Facebook group. Or you join some type of you know event, local event that you join, that they're all rock climbers. It can be anything.
Speaker 1:The only thing and the only time I think socializing with people can be kind of a bit detrimental is when you're constantly going out every weekend, you're constantly going to parties, events, or just always hanging out with people to avoid being alone, to avoid being with yourself.
Speaker 1:Now that if that's the case and if that resonates with you, then I would challenge you to kind of take a bit of time away from your connections. You can still text people, you can still do these things, but to really take some time away from that, okay, and to really just be with yourself, right, to honestly be with yourself, spend time with yourself and really come to the conclusion and figure out what is it that's causing you to be so lonely. Conclusion and figure out what is it that's causing you to be so lonely. So, that being said, that's all I've got for you guys on today's episode. If you did like the episode, please feel free to leave a comment or review, share it. It really helps bring awareness to what I'm trying to do, which is really kind of, you know, spread this podcast on a broader scale to really help people just navigate everyday life challenges. So, again, with that being said, I hope you have a good week and I will catch you guys next week. You.
